other whole

It feels really good getting addicted to loneliness. One can discover himself completely. :') But the other part is, if you start digging deeper, you'll find a void... a void which is never been filled. A void which demands love to be the only element which could be filled in it. You've been alone for quite some time. You've spent so much time in company of no one but yourself. You know spending too much time alone can leave you with only 2 options : 1. You either start loving yourself. 2. You become villain in your own eyes. You either love the company of your soul, or you run away from the negativity of it. During day, you're a warrior with a body full of scars. Who has never lost any emotional battle. Who hides all his pain behind that sparkling smile. Who is the destroyer of agony prevailed in this world. You're a Joker, who can make the surrounding cheerful no matter how critical the situation is. When people seek happiness, you're the best option their life can offer. You hold them. You're a mender of broken hearts. Nobody can guess that an emotionless person like you hides an ocean of trauma behind that smile. That smile acts like a dam, dam that holds all the powerful tides of the ocean. But you're a completely different person when the sun sets and all the sinners crawl in. The dam breaks and finds its escape from your eyes. The warrior mode gets completely turned off. You turn into a victim, a victim of loneliness. The warrior is now shattered completely inside out. You feel completely drained, inspiration and happiness leaking all over. You're in a jungle, lost, all your eyes set upon is darkness, fog, representing uncertainties. All you need is a person with a lantern, who can guide you through the way out. But who stays up at 3 a.m? baby sleep being the exceptions. When all the ways you've discovered to cope with the loneliness start finding them useless, you should know it's time to surrender :') When those mood pumping anthems don't make you dance on their beat. When you see your friends getting along with someone, you too crave for a partner. Staring at the roof lifelessly becomes your only option. That point of time demands a person who can listen to you with all ears no matter what time it's. When the past haunts, you want a person to exorcise it. We spend those nights in which loneliness is our best company and when we try to kick it out of our life, we can't find an escape. This heart craves for the one who can open the door for escape. :') All you crave for is the person who can make us feel again, who can make our in love revive again. Who makes us believe that a tiniest fraction of a second in love, is far better than living the whole life in midst of loneliness. A person who cuts the strings from our demons. A person in front of whom you can burst out all the frustration without the fear of losing them. Not a person who fires back at you. A person who understands you inside out. Who feels the intensity of the storm you've trapped yourself into. Who jumps in midst of all the chaos just to save your soul from getting tattooed with scars. All you want is a person who can hold you so tightly that all the fear and pain breaks completely. A nightingale who can evade all the darkness from her charm. Who kisses you so deep and sucks all the emptiness out of you, inhaling love. A person so beautiful that you even find her silence beautiful. For that person, the term "other half" would be an understatement. Search for your other whole..!! :)

intersection

*The intersection* "Sitting in an empty room Trying to forget the past This was never meant to last I wish it wasn't so..." The clock read 12:15 AM as the song blared through the earphones on the terrace. A perfect scenario for thinking about life. Love and music, a combination which can result in ultimate peace of mind or utter chaos. That was the hour of self realization and self analysis, and I realized nothing but pain. The image of a great emotional warrior was crumbling infront of me as I broke down, one piece at a time as thousands of pieces followed later. Past couple of months life have been just fine, but it wasn't the case with mind. It had been a total mess. It fought several battles within, resulting in bloodshed of either self respect or love. It was torn in half, whether to try harder or to fuck shit up and kill the feelings. This is what happens when you love someone deeply, but it's unrequited. When one moment, you respect their decision of not getting into relationship again, and the very next moment, you try your best to change it. A bead of sweat rolled down as I remembered how I thought of myself as an emotionless creature. And how this image of me was destroyed the very next second my eyes were set on her. I remembered how I opened myself up when I was with her. At last, I was learning how to feel things again, how to love someone deeply and how to feel the pain when it isn't reciprocated. Wandering around the feels land, I stumbled upon an intersection which lead to two paths. The lantern I was holding kept fluctuating, indicating that both of the paths weren't going to be easy. One of the path was leading to trying harder. Actually, this wasn't the first time I came across this path. Remember when I said that the past months were messy? It's because of this path. I chose this, I wanted to try harder. Try harder to make her fall in love with me, try harder to make her realize that even though I'm being haunted myself, I'll exorcise her demons from the past. To make her realize that there's someone who would stand by your side, who would fill you up with life when you decided to end it. Walking on this path wasn't easy, yet I ran. Murdering my self respect with every step taken. I couldn't blame her for her cold responses, given the things she experienced from the male counterparts. But I wanted her to believe in me, just to have a tiny bit of faith in me that I wouldn't turn her down. I wanted to take her, embrace her in my arms till all of her pain and fears broke down into pieces. All I wanted was a chance, which she was too afraid to give, or I didn't deserve that chance, if you think of it that way. Walking down this road yielded nothing but pain, and tensions between us. Yet I was still thinking of walking on this road again. This is what love does to people. As I took the first step towards this path on that night, I heard the other path calling me. I turned, lantern flickered again. This was the path with bloodshed written on it, bloodshed of feelings. I knew that walking on this path wasn't going to be easy either, but it'd be fun to travel the unexplored roads. It was dark, it was scary, but it wasn't as painful as the first path I was walking on for a while. As I travelled the road, it dawned on me that love wasn't doing anything good for me. That even though I was trying so hard, it wasn't yielding anything, not even a good response from the other end. Thus, this path was proving to be fruitful. As I was coming out of the dump with every step taken. I remembered all the efforts which went in vain, I remembered all the promises I made to her, I remembered all the responses I got whenever I confessed my feelings to her, then I realized there were none. When I didn't love her, she didn't care. When I did, she still remained the same. What good is it doing, I asked myself. Nothing, a voice replied. Though I decided to move on, kill those feelings, but I didn't want people to tag me an asshole like they did when I left certain people. So I came to the conclusion that I'm not going to be the one to call things completely off. That I'm going to limit myself, limit my feelings, limit my boundaries as just another one of her friends. Yes, I deliberately chose to be her "just a friend". Because she wouldn't let me in, and I ain't walking out completely. Contradicting Coldplay here, light didn't guide me home, darkness did. I didn't choose any of the path which the intersection offered. I made another path, all by myself. But that time isn't far when I've to make a choice again, and hopefully I will make the right one like I did that night.

monsoon -subin bhattrai best lines

#1.सोचेजस्तै जो पाउँछु, उसैसँग जीवन बिताउँछु ।

#2.कुनैबेला मायाले भनेको थिएँ, उसलाई इन्द्रेणी भनेर ।
ऊ साँच्चिकै इन्द्रेणी नै रहिछ, अनेक रङ देखाउने । रङहरु पनि यति देखाई कि एक होली बेमौषममै खेलेर गइ

#3.कहाँ माथि उडाएकी मनसुनले, यसरी फुत्त छाड्नलाई रैछ । छाड्नु नै थियो भने अलिक तलैबाट छाडेकी भए हुन्थ्यो, कम दुख्थ्यो

#4.खान्छ मेरा ,बनाउछ रगत मेरै लागि ,छातीमा जतनसङ जोगाएर राख्छु हरेक क्षण तर साला धड्किन्छ चै अर्कैका लागि गद्दर यो मुटु " यो लाइन एक्दमै मन पर्यो । कस्तो प्रकार को प्रेम हगि??

#5.कोहि पाउँछन् बिनापरिश्रम, चाहेकै कुरा । कोहि देखिरहन्छन् सपना, जो कहिल्यै हुन्नन् पुरा । कसैका प्रेमकहानी फैलन्छन् कुनाकन्दरा, कसैका प्रेमकहानी रहन्छन् आधा-अधुरा । आआफ्नो भाग्यको कुरा 

#6.धेरै मरिहत्ते गरेर पाएको प्रेम, प्रेम हुन्न?
त्यो कसैको निगाह हुन्छ कसैको दया हुन्छ।
दयामा बाच्नु भनेको आफ्नै उपरको घात हो

#7.प्रेम बर्खा मात्र मिठो हुदैन ।कहिले कहिलेकाहिँ प्रेम तिर्खा म पनि मिठो हुन्छ

#8. देखिने घाउहरुको मलम हुन्छ,अक्सर नदेखिने घाउहरु सहने चलन हुन्छ

#9.कछुवाले झैं टाउकाे लुकाउँदैमा लुक्न सक्दैन मान्छे ।कहाँ सक्छ मान्छे अाफ्नै छायासँग कुस्ती खेल्न ?